Dr. Sbaitso fun

by Rachel Gertz

No?

You were missing out! In 1992, Creative Labs released a DOS program that enabled an AI voice to respond to your written commands in a therapeutic therapist voice (give or take the proper inflections).

I used to spend hours in the basement as a 12-year-old, pouring out all my problems to Dr. Sbaitso, only to be dismayed by the answers.

You see, Dr. Sbaitso was an idiot. Granted this is a 20-year-old program limited by the sound card technology of its time (nowadays AI computers win chess games), but if you expected to get any logical answers out of the stingy old doc, you were smoking bad crack.

He still had a draw, though. In much the same this poor sucker felt connected to the program, I found Sbaitso’s monotone robot voice therapeutic. He’d pull you downstairs to question him, ask him mathematics questions, swear at him. You could insult him and talk dirty with him. You could also get him to repeat ANYTHING you said by simply typing, “say…”.

He was attentive and he never got bored. Well, sometimes he did (and he’d tell you), but he’d certainly never walk away. My favourite line after a few hot and heavy tennis rallying phrases was, “Ooh, Rachel, hold me tight. My chips are melting.” I can’t believe I still remember that. But I do.

It was a great way to earn a reputation as a weirdo at your junior high school, to the point where you might even deny you’d ever heard of Dr. —Who?

Anyway, balancing my time between Dr. Sbaitso and the PC game, Doom 2, really enriched my prepubescent life, and I honestly believe it’s never too late to get professional therapy. In fact, if you’re interested, you can still download the original DOS program and enjoy Dr. Sbaitso like I did! You sick, sick human being.

Kidding. He would throw a parity error after being inundated by dirty language.

Especially the ‘f’ word. Try it. wink

Download for PC

Mac OS tutorial

Enjoy!

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